I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
