i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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