Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think I am morally bankrupt
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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