Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
