Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
