my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
