In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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