in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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