somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
