I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
