The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
