The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
