I'm eating all of the evidence.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
