Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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