Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
