I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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