Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's not a walk of shame if you run
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My feet surprised me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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