so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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