I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
