i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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