Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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