Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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