I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
