So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
