You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
