just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Come on in and take your pants off
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