Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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