I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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