I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
