i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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