Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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