If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
