I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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