i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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