i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
