i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
