She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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