The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
