he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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