You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
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Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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