that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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