Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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