He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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