Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
