My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
