Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
