I wish my penis had an off switch
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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