I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
