I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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