I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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