News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
