You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
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I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
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Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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