Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
