Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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