U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you win again, gameday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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