Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
