she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
