You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
