The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
